The Night Visitor
by Shinar.Shumer.Sumer
Summary: Dumbledore's relaxing evening is inturrupted by an unwanted night visitor. This is a crossover story but I can't reveal its second inspiration.


A/N- I'm pretty sure this is the crappiest one I've written so far but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I love chocolate.

Albus Dumbledore sat at his office desk, feet propped on top of a stack of important looking parchment, robes bunching up over his knobby old knees and a lemon drop between his thumb and pointer finger poised and ready for a landing through the gates of his bearded lips. Today had been a good day. In fact, today had been a _very_ good day. Albus had successfully avoided certain…duties that had been following him around in the past few months. Today was a ridiculously normal day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Some sort of unnamable evil had gotten loose in the castle earlier in the week, little Malfoy had egged it on and everyone's favorite hero Harry Potter had saved the day by trapping the evil entity within a canister of government issue beans from the United States. Yes, today had been bliss compared to the days that had been. Dumbledore was considering his ability to utilize the prefects' bathtub on the fourth floor when suddenly the flames in his fireplace shot up into the chimney and turned a violent shade of green. Then Dumbledore heard it, a high-pitched almost childlike laugh coming from within those flames.

"Oh,god no," Dumbledore barely had time to mumble before a large head appeared in the flames of his fireplace.

The head was rather rounded and covered in blood red fur with large, completely socket-less, bulging orb-eyes sitting on the top of the head. The mouth of the creature was a gaping black abyss. Dumbledore knew those ever-smiling jowls all too well. He also knew that this meant his serene day was over.

"Goddamned motherfucking…." Dumbledore shouted over the high-pitched cackling of the head in his fireplace. He threw the lemon drop down that he had been fingering and attempted to hide behind his massive desk.

"Haha!" The voice laughed mirthfully, "Hi Dumbledore! Elmo missed you!"

"Dumbledore erm…isn't here right now," Dumbledore trieda pathetic attempt to mimic thevoice of student Hermione Granger.

"Oh Dumbledore, you're so funny! Elmo wants to play hide and seek too…one…two…FOUND YOU BEHIND THE DESK!" Dumbledore jumped out of his skin, fell backwards onto his robed tush and stared at Elmo's gangly red body that had somehow made it's way out of the fireplace and right next to Dumbledore's hiding spot in T-minus three seconds.

"Hello Elmo," Dumbledore said in a defeated tone of voice as he got up and brushed off his remaining dignity. "What can I do for you on this fine evening?" Dumbledore tried to be polite to the furry pestilence. He must try to keep his composure when around this monster, he thought.

"Well, Elmo was at home playing catch with Mr. Noodle when the ball hit him in the head and he passed out. After the ambulance came and took him away Elmo got hungry and decided to have some dinner. Unfortunately, Elmo didn't have any food to speak of and he had to fry up his goldfish Dorothy," Dumbledore winced at the memory of the poor goldfish who had endured so much for Elmo over the years, "Then Elmo was all alone and bored so he decided to come visit you! Yay!" Elmo broke out into peals of joyful laughter.

Dumbledore moved slightly closer to the door to his office, his brain moving at a hundred miles per hour trying to think of escape plans. _I could_ he thought_ use one of those large bronze sextants to knock the furry beast out…No, _he decided, _I don't need to be put into jail over this._ He decided to remain calm and hope that one of the teachers would come to his rescue.

"So, Elmo," Elmo grinned constantly and he never blinked, this was one of the most unsettling things about him, "What do you propose we do on our 'sleepover'? Shall we play more hide and seek? I know a wonderful place where you can hide, in the dungeons," Dumbledore added this last part carefully, hoping Elmo would not understand what was being implied.

"Well, actually Elmo wants Dumbledore to teach him more magic tricks, yeah," Dumbledore remembered all too well the last time they had tried that. Two students had ended up with sex changes and Snape ended up in the prefects' bathtub completely naked, which Dumbledore noted to himself as being a little more than a coincidence.

"Elmo," Dumbledore said cautiously, "That may not be such a good idea, remember what happened last time?" He moved closer to the door.

"Elmo remembers! Funny Snape took a bath! Ahaha! Ahahaha!" Dumbledore wasn't sure but he thought he detected a slight tone of malice in Elmo's final 'ahahaha'.

"And what did Dumbledore say about that Elmo?"

"Ummmm…Elmo doesn't remember"

"He said that you must never do that again or else you would not be able to come back and visit Hogwarts, remember?"

A dark shadow passed over Elmo's orbish eyes.

"Oh. Yeah. Elmo remembers," The mirth seemed to have drained from Elmo's voice. Dumbledore knew better than to continue on this path but he did not want anymore transgender students, although he recognized that it was okay for his students to make that choice for themselves. Being forced to be transgender is never a perk in life.

"Elmo, would you like a chocolate frog? Or perhaps some Droobles Best Chewing Gum?" Dumbledore frantically tried to appease the four-year-old monster on the verge of a stormy tantrum.

Elmo scowled.

"Elmo doesn't want a chocolate frog," he said in a voice deeper than normal.

"Well, what can Dumbledore,I mean, _I _do to make you feel better?"

"You can shut up and sit down Dumbledore. Elmo has something he wants to show you…" Elmo began to reach in what appeared to be a pocket sewn into his flesh.

Dumbledore's brain was frozen with fear as Elmo pawed his way through his flesh pocket. He hoped that if he screamed somebody would hear him. Suddenly, the door to his office flew open and Snape waltzed in looking annoyed. He began talking immediately but stopped when he saw that Dumbledore was crouched on the ground.

"Albus I must speak to youright awayabout that house elf Winky, I caught her going through my underwear drawer again and-" Snape stared at Dumbledore in confusion, "What the deuce are you doing on the ground?"

Dumbledore lifted a bony finger and pointed. Snape followed his finger. When his eyes met Elmo's he was taken aback with fear.

"Jesus, Joseph and Mary!" Snape tripped backwards and out the office door.

Elmo's eyes vibrated for a second after this and then his whole head vibrated too. He began to shudder all over and his hand fell from his flesh-pocket, empty. He did the closest thing to blinking that he could and laughed. It was not the evil laugh that had visited his capacious mouth before but his usual annoying high-pitched laugh.

"Professor Snape! Elmo wants to play with you again!" Elmo ran out of Dumbledore's office door after Snape who scrambled to get away from Elmo.

Elmo leapt out of the office and Snape tumbled down the stairs. Dumbledore quickly slammed his office door and locked it with his wand. He got up and walked to the fireplace.

"This shall never happen again…" He waved his wand, mumbled something under his breath and smiled.

The fireplace no longer existed. In its place a six foot statue of a carp stood on hind fins, clapping and smiling. Dumbledore could hear Snape's shouts of terror and Elmo's laughter in the lower levels of the castle. He knew Snape could easily pull out his wand and stupefy Elmo it was just a matter of the shock of seeing him wearing off before he could do it. Dumbledore was in no serious danger now and Elmo was no longer a threat. Albus Dumbledore walked over to his desk, picked up the lemon drop sitting on the floor, popped it in his mouth and headed to his bedchamber for a nice long night of sleep.


End file.
